A little back story...
Navead proposed in June on a swing set where I had once told him that I would likely marry him in response to a question that was meant to determine whether I would like to try and swing in unison. We walked right up to that same swing set, the night after we had talked about getting married, and I still didn't see it coming. I even stepped on his line in referring to our previous puny conversation, but he managed to ask anyway, and I said yes.
In the Baha'i Faith, however, a couple needs to obtain consent from all living parents before they get married. This has proved a stumbling block because his father, noting that we had only been dating seven months at the time, told us that he wanted us to take more time so that he could get to know us and so that we could continue improving our knowledge of each other.
I would be lying if I said that I was happy about this response at the time or that abiding by it has been easy, but there was wisdom in it. When I said yes to marrying him I meant it, and I was confident that he was the one I wanted to share my life with. It was an unchallenged reality, however, one which had not been put to the test, and having to wait has proven just such a challenge. The stress of not knowing when or if it will happen, having to drive 35 minutes to see each other frequently at night, having to plan and coordinate everything over that distance without being able to stay at each other's places, living in rent limbo (me), and the sheer frustration of not being able to plan for the future has certainly put plenty of pressure on us.
Five months later we're still waiting, and though there is hope for an end in the next four months, it is not guaranteed. Yet, something changed for me in that time. I went from being relatively sure to completely confirmed. Everything about the way that we have handled the situation proves the point that we can work together to get through things, that there is room for hard feelings and not just nice ones in the relationship, and that it's ok. We have enough respect and communication for us to tackle real problems and be honest about our feelings without it devolving into arguing or pettiness.
Everyday is a trial of patience for both of us. We've gone from being sweetly optimistic about our marriage to knowing that we have a strong foundation for building a life. It's hard to think about the waiting some days. It's frustrating to feel the constant weight of uncertainty when you know you're ready to take the next step. But in fairness, we chose to follow the Baha'i laws and have respect for his father's wishes instead of putting ourselves first and we're stronger for it.
And when we finally have consent, we'll know its right and that our relationship was worth the struggle.
Navead proposed in June on a swing set where I had once told him that I would likely marry him in response to a question that was meant to determine whether I would like to try and swing in unison. We walked right up to that same swing set, the night after we had talked about getting married, and I still didn't see it coming. I even stepped on his line in referring to our previous puny conversation, but he managed to ask anyway, and I said yes.
In the Baha'i Faith, however, a couple needs to obtain consent from all living parents before they get married. This has proved a stumbling block because his father, noting that we had only been dating seven months at the time, told us that he wanted us to take more time so that he could get to know us and so that we could continue improving our knowledge of each other.
I would be lying if I said that I was happy about this response at the time or that abiding by it has been easy, but there was wisdom in it. When I said yes to marrying him I meant it, and I was confident that he was the one I wanted to share my life with. It was an unchallenged reality, however, one which had not been put to the test, and having to wait has proven just such a challenge. The stress of not knowing when or if it will happen, having to drive 35 minutes to see each other frequently at night, having to plan and coordinate everything over that distance without being able to stay at each other's places, living in rent limbo (me), and the sheer frustration of not being able to plan for the future has certainly put plenty of pressure on us.
Five months later we're still waiting, and though there is hope for an end in the next four months, it is not guaranteed. Yet, something changed for me in that time. I went from being relatively sure to completely confirmed. Everything about the way that we have handled the situation proves the point that we can work together to get through things, that there is room for hard feelings and not just nice ones in the relationship, and that it's ok. We have enough respect and communication for us to tackle real problems and be honest about our feelings without it devolving into arguing or pettiness.
Everyday is a trial of patience for both of us. We've gone from being sweetly optimistic about our marriage to knowing that we have a strong foundation for building a life. It's hard to think about the waiting some days. It's frustrating to feel the constant weight of uncertainty when you know you're ready to take the next step. But in fairness, we chose to follow the Baha'i laws and have respect for his father's wishes instead of putting ourselves first and we're stronger for it.
And when we finally have consent, we'll know its right and that our relationship was worth the struggle.
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